Paralytic
by St00pendus
Summary: God-dammit he was good at making her run for her money-and in her condition no less! She could almost feel the smug bastard grinning to himself as she struggled for the excuse at why she was standing outside his door at such an hour just to thank him.


**A/N: So-I've developed a small, teeny-tiny, inconvenient, and most undistracting obsession with MASS EFFECT. Preferably the second one because C'MON; the first one was freaky!**

**Anyway, I do not own any rights to EA or Mass Effect or what have you. I just don't.**

**This is an entirely alternate sequence of ThanexShepard. **

**The dialogue will be COMPLETELY my own because I really hate quoting word for word what everyone says. **

**Do enjoy.**

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><p>Shepard let her fingers scale down her face as she watched the room go in and out of focus, mouth opening in a strangled moan before shutting in an attempt to silence herself. Her ears were ringing, overwhelmed with sound to the point where nothing even made sense. Five minutes, that's all it took for her to go from walking the corridors of the abandoned ship to on the ground writhing in agony. What had happened-she had no idea. All she knew was that simply five-fucking-minutes ago she was casually speaking with her two squad members-who at the time were Thane and Jack.<p>

A far off explosion caused the ringing in her ears to worsen and her eyelids were forced over her eyes in her attempts to calm herself. She was dizzy, weightless and most certainly panicking.

When she reopened her eyes she watched lazily as the room slowly began to connect together before her once more, twelve-steel walls turning once again to only two as her stasis returned to normal levels-ears clearing enough to where she could hear steel debris falling and fire roaring good enough to register.

The ground quivering below her fingertips made it difficult for her to push herself up into a kneeling position; one hand at her head and the other holding her up-using a broken oxygen pipe (1) to keep steady.

Green eyes parting to survey around her, the first thing she saw helped her grasp her situation more:

One, the ship appeared to be exploding on its own accord.

Two, Thane and Jack were NO WHERE to be found.

Three, something definitely did not feel right-body limp and her mind full of nothing but unresponsive static.

And four, she fucking hated flashbacks.

Her throat closed as the events of the original _Normandy _flashed through her mind, quickly reminding her the danger of the situation before she truly wanted to make the connection. Using the wall as leverage, she slowly pulled herself up, noticing that her legs were like jelly and her arms and chest were sharp with an unconcerned pain.

She just felt so strange, her head hammering and body weakening after every gasp of air as her vision and hearing flickered repeatedly. Something was wrong, more wrong than the ship burning behind her.. this had to be another fucking trap set out to have her 'taken care of'. She'd be surprised if it wasn't.

Then again.. it could of been an accident.

But that didn't explain the empty rooms and the nearly fucking spotless walls of the entire ship. No sign of struggle, exit or hurry to leave.

So it only led to that this was a trap and if she got out of this alive-she'd kill the son of a bitch who put her and her crew through this again.

Finally up on two legs, she shakily gripped the leaking pipes along the wall, using them to guide her away from the fierce flames and sparks that barred her off from the original exit. She had to find her squad and get the hell out of here.

A gasp escaped her when her knees buckled and she was forced to use her upper-body strength to pull herself up again, fingers paling beneath the armored gloves as she squeezed as hard as she could. God her body felt so.. relaxed. It couldn't be so-this was not a relaxing situation. And with another lungful of air she only felt weaker.

Trembling with every movement, Shepard finally managed to make it to the intersection which conveniently split off into three other rooms and corridors before her. The mere sight of what she was going to have to conquer made her sick to the stomach, fatigue washing over her as a whine left her pink lips.

Leaning against the wall momentarily, she brought up a hand to touch her earpiece: hoping to get Joker or one of her squad to answer. Coughing after a deep breathe of pure smoke, she managed a dry croak of, "Hello..?"

Along with the drumming ship and crackling fire, all she got was static, which meant she must of lost connection or broken the receptor in her tumble to the metal grates. Dropping her hand to her ribs she squeezed her eyes shut, suddenly wishing she was a fucking biotic instead of an Engineer. Suddenly an alerting beep sounded below her and she was forced to look down at her Omni-Tool, the orange glow beckoning her as if it was reminding her that it was still there and in very much use. She blinked carefully, eyes starting to water from the smoke that had started to form, glowing radar showing the two green dots that blinked only to the left of her.

Miracles worked in small ways or there was definitely a god out there.

Summoning enough energy to push herself from the wall, she caught the one across from her-taking ahold of the smaller pipes instead of the big ones.. easier to hold onto and not completely destroyed like the others. Once again thanking the heavens for the Omni-tool's cooperation, she let a triumphant smile take her lips.

Sadly, her efforts were in vain for just as she adjusted her weight to where she could move, an explosion went off behind her, sending her body forcefully against the wall of the left corridor as the blast took out the part of the hallway she had just been in.

A loud crack joined the noises of burning wires and destruction as she hit the metal pipes, her form sliding to the grated floor limply as her vision went completely black, forever lost to the groans of the fire and the clatter of falling metal tiles around her.

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><p>"<em>Is she awake..?"<em>

"_Jeff, we practically just pulled her out of an exploding ship-do you honestly expect her to wake up after such short a time?"_

"_Well I don't know! I mean, knowing Shepard she could just be faking it or something. I'm no doctor but I've had to do CPR on several of her crew just because she was suddenly scaring the crap out of everybody... not that I minded of course." _

"_Cute. Though I'm sure she appreciates you 'dropping by', your duties are needed elsewhere, __**Jeff**__. I suggest you limp your way back to the pilot's deck so the Commander can rest without her friends bothering her."_

"_Ouch. Are you always a bitch or am I just lucky."_

"**Will the both of you shut the hell up..."**

Both people jumped instantly as the tired yet extremely irritated Commander roused from her slumber, a slow hand coming up to grip her skull as her head throbbed and her body complained at her even being alive, "Where am I and how long have I been out.." she started, eyes refusing to open for fear the lighting in what she assumed was the Med Bay would blind her.

There was silence for a bit as the two people exchanged looks, confusion settling as their Commander seemed to blurt out questions right after regaining consciousness like it was no problem what so ever.

Finally, after a painful fifteen-seconds, one of them spoke up.

"Med Bay on the _Normandy_, Commander. You haven't been here for too long. I mean you've been under for worse, two-years worth. Yeah... I don't see a couple of days hurting any." came a male voice, sarcasm practically drooling from his lips as he spoke with humor and.. was that concern? Most definitely Joker.

"Two days and twelve-hours, Commander. We pulled you from the ship unconscious... when you are feeling better I'd like to ask you a few questions regarding what you found down there." Australian accent, perfect tone and a slight attitude to boot. Yup, Miranda.

Fucking wonderful.

Shepard exhaled dramatically, rubbing her temples with her cold digits as she tried to massage the feeling of tranquility into her being before she even took the breathe of air saved only for talking to Miranda.

"There was nothing down there, Miranda. It was a trap." she sighed, annoyance tugging at her tone before she dared continue, "A retarded one at that... we were fine one-minute and the next everything was exploding and I woke up on the ground feeling like total crap."

Miranda made a sound of acknowledgement, "EDI found traces of Carbon Monoxide poisoning in your lungs. The oxygen lines running through the ship must of been damaged during the explosions. It was stupid of you to not take your helmet."

"Sounds like me." Shepard replied blandly, rubbing at her eyes before they she let her hand drop, eyes opening to stare dully at the ceiling, "Any side-effects or should I start preparing a funeral."

"You weren't in there long enough to have suffered long-term injuries, Commander," Miranda mused, shifting her weight to another foot, "you might have severe headaches for a couple days but besides that.. EDI and Mordin managed to do for you what they could. You are perfectly fine and fit for the mission."

Shepard groaned quite loudly, closing her eyes once again as she rubbed at her face once more.

"What happened to Thane and Jack? They went missing after I regained consciousness the first time." she explained, slowly pushing herself up despite the harsh look Miranda sent her way and the worried flash that hit Joker.

"They were the ones to pull you out, Commander," Joker replied, rubbing the back of his neck before continuing, "Jack was fine-as usual.. even when we tried to help she just ended up punching Jacob in the face which caused a whole 'nother mess of crap which was kinda hilarious till Miranda stepped in and played Team Leader. Then more crap started and eventually everyone just went back 'home'." he shrugged at the last bit, seeming to sway on his feet before looking around for a place to sit.

Miranda took up where he left off, ignoring his comment to her being 'Team Leader and the events that must of followed' since it was practically pointless to argue with Joker on such terms. "Thane and Jack are perfectly fine, despite a few cuts and bruises I think they handled the situation well," she looked like she wanted to say more, pausing in her words before the XO slowly started to walk towards a data-pad, reaching out to swipe a finger at the screen before standing at attention to face Shepard once more, "I questioned them when they were well enough to answer-."

"Bombarded is more like it," Joker cut off, reaching behind him to take ahold of one of the visiting chairs and seat himself before he continued, "you should of seen it-I thought Jack was going to knock her lights out too before Garrus stepped in and told her to back off. To be honest, I'm surprised Jack held back at all after taking Jacob out ."

Shepard's eyebrows rose at the statement, glancing at Miranda with an expectant, 'well?'. The biotic pursed her lips, silently murdering Joker with his chair before she opened her perfect mouth to form actual words, "They were being.. difficult, Commander. You were injured and no matter how many... people we acquire on this ship, you will always be the number-one priority."

Well that was cute and heartfelt.

But Shepard was not in the mood for Miranda's bullshit excuses.

"Miranda... not that I'm not-you know.. grateful for you caring _so _much about me... but when my squad has the potentiality to be injured and/or incapacitated during a mission, I expect you to quit showing your ass and have some damn compassion." not even giving the girl a chance to respond, Shepard barked out an additional order, "Joker, set coarse for the Citadel.. we're going to go have a chat with our informant."

"Aye-aye Commander." was his meek response before he gave her a warm salute and quickly-as quickly as he could-limped out of the Med Bay before he became witness to a Shepard and Miranda show-down.

Silence once again engulfed the Med Bay as Shepard popped and stretched every part of her body she could, every once in awhile wincing before bringing a hand up to massage her temples.

God she had such a headache.

"Shepard."

And the worst part was it just refused to shut up.

"Whaaaaaaat now?" she whined, slumping her shoulders as she put on the most childish expression she could muster, which wasn't all that difficult to accomplish given her character.

Miranda gave a ignored huff before she continued, walking forward so Shepard had no choice BUT to pay attention to her.

"Before you tell me other wise.. I would like to tell you what Thane and Jack had to say about the entire fiasco involving the ship being rigged to explode."

"Please, take your time to inform me."

That earned her a full-on glare.

"Shepard if you're not going to take this seriously then I will have no choice but to inform the Illusive Man." as if that threat hadn't been spread around enough.

Shepard pushed herself into a standing position-hoping to tell Miranda where exactly she could stick that threat before her arm suddenly went to her stomach as her face contorted in pain, the look strained as she slowly stared down at where the sharp pain was coming from. There was a thick bandage protruding from the confines of the white tank-top, showing she had gotten injured elsewhere BESIDES Co2 poisoning.

"Mind explaining this?" she asked, reaching down to numbly run her fingers over the slightly pink splotch on the center of the bandage.

The XO studied her carefully, deciding that she was going to hold nothing back with her response, "You were run-through with shrapnel when the blast to the left-wing hit. Jack reported seeing you hit the wall with it in you so I suppose it could of happened before then too. None the less we removed it with ease and with no fatal injuries to any of your major-organs or arteries. You were quite lucky in this, Commander." she almost sounded smug as she continued her talking, "Next time I suggest you be more careful."

Oh god how Shepard wanted to punch her-so badly it almost hurt worse than the scarring on her stomach. But she refrained.

Lucky for Miranda.

"Dully noted." she mumbled, reaching up to remove her red-hair from her observant green-eyes. Speaking of, it didn't take long for her to notice afterward how antsy Miranda was getting, probably trying so hard to refrain from continuing her little information on what Jack and Thane had to say about the entire ordeal. It must of been good. "Alright-FINE Miranda. By all means get it out of your system before it kills you.."

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><p>(1) So. Oxygen in and CO2 out.<p>

**A/N: Feel free to comment, review, give hateful insights or whatever you people do these days. If you have information on how I was wrong on one of these parts-feel free to inform me! I could learn a thing or two. Till then, adios**


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